Holy shit

So my and my wife's friend sara tried to help our situation tonight. I was hopeful, as always that michelle would take something from someone other than me and notice that she still loves me. Stupid, huh ? What do I really believe? That she is going to just hear something and snap and come running back to me? I would never have thought of myself to be subject to such delusion, however I have never been so emotionally vulnerable either. Truth is I love my wife more than I value humility, shame, or even pride. I think she believes that sara and I conspire against her. This is not the case. Sara is a helpless romantic and would love nothing better than for michelle and I to work things out. I feel the same way and I will never give up. Michelle had told me that she still loves me and that she wishes we could work things out. She has even indicated to sara that she believes this is possible. Why then, does she defend her apprehensiveness? There has to be more. In the early days of our separation I, at the word of her unintended advice, began dating another woman. I even went far enough to gamble that if I told her about this woman that she would realize she wanted me back. What a mistake that was. The only effect this had on her was to further her pain and anger to such an end where she became even more callous and she too began dating. This was the turning point in the whole situation, as only days earlier I had convinced her to attend marriage counseling with me. Needless to say,this was no longer an option. However, despite all that has happened, I have truly changed. I now have the vision of the proverbial 20/20 hindsight which allows me the knowledge of my own faults and how I no longer wish to be that person. How I wish to be the person who loves my wife and would do anything to ensure her happiness. I now value most in life that which I should have valued all along, that which I may never again hold in my possession; michelle's love and acceptance. I obsess over it to the point that I try to track down this new man in her life and learn everything about him I can. I fear that if I ever see him in person that I will hand him the worst beating of his life. That I will finalize the end of mine and michelle's relationship with one voracious act of violence. Even though I am aware of this potential problem I also know that I will give into my emotion and I will not be able to help myself. If you are reading this, and you know who you are, I caution you to be wary. I don't mean to threaten you but imagine if someone was trying to take your son from you. Or any family member for that matter. Would you not feel the same way? I believe that it is in our nature as human beings to react with desperation in order to preserve our family. My wife is a very real part of my vision of family. How could she not be. If you believe any differently, and challenge my assertive nature, I will destroy you. I am capable and very willing to fulfill this promise. Don't test the waters. You are acting as my enemy and will be treated as such. Heed this warning. Leave it be. If after a period of time michelle and I only find our closure, then that is different. At that time I will have a different viewpoint. I don't even care if anyone reads this. It just feels good to get it out. I love you michelle and I always, always will. I will, perhaps sadly, always be ready to take you back as my wife. No matter what the circumstances. I'm not sure I can elaborate any more so I'm just going to stop here.